Saturday…

So Saturday was nice and relaxing, albeit fucking hotter than the devil’s asscrack. We headed out around 11:30am, and ended up in Sultanahmet around 12:00, where Michelle, Kent, Brad, and I decided to get some McDonalds, since it’s the cheapest place to eat around there. I ended up having the same cashier as last time, but she didn’t give me my food for free this time. Maalesef. There was a guy going around wearing a bright neon green vest asking people stuff at each table. We weren’t sure what it was, but we agreed to look terrified if he asked us. When he did, we looked scared, and it turns out he was simply going around asking folks if they wanted some ice cream for dessert. Weird!

We walked from lunch to Topkapi, which none of the others had seen, so I tagged along because I like hanging out with them and because the Archeology Museums are right nextdoor. But before we got there, I asked if we could stop in front of the Blue Mosque and snap a picture of me holding a corny sign saying hi to my high school so that I could take part in their “St. X Abroad” thing that tracks alumni who travel. I’m a sap. Anyway, we got one serious picture and one of me wearing the crown I took with me from McDonalds. I trust that hundreds of devout Muslims were offended.

Topkapi was the same as the first time, only hotter, smellier (mostly because my shirts smell like mildew because the laundry lady sucks ass), and quicker because we skipped the harem. I would give it a better treatment, but I am really trying to get us up to Sunday’s festivities. After we hit up most of Topkapi, we walked down the hill in the palace grounds to the Archeology Museums, where we got in for free by asking for student discounts in Turkish. We saw some fucking adorable kittens play fighting right inside the gates, and I was worried we’d be there all day cooing over them. I took pictures so your hearts can melt at your own convenience. Inside the first museum, the Museum of the Ancient Orient, we saw a bunch of statues, pots, and sculptures dating back several thousand years. It was sweet, they even had the first treaty ever signed, and it was between Ramses Pharoah and the Hittites. We also got some pictures of the crown again. Man, we are total children. I won’t bore you with the details of the museum, but suffice it to say, they had some really old shit there. And it was air conditioned.

Up next was the Arkeoloji Müzesi, which had the really cool Roman and Greek sculptures by the truckload. I saw Hermaphrodites in person, and some statues that reminded me of Matt. Michelle and I got separated from Brad and Kent as we went to go see the Alexander Sarcaphogus, which was fucking awesome. The music they played in the dark room was an awesome combination of Vangelis and the soundtrack to some Tom Clancy video game. We also saw a sweet children’s section that had a mini castle and stairs that I couldn’t fit up. The grown-up area had a scale replica of the Trojan Horse, which was fairly small in person. The foot ladder and stuff made it seem like one or two people could fit, tops. I guess that’s all it takes, though.

When we got back to the room full of dead people in boxes we ran into Brad, who said he’d lost Kent. I ran off to find him, and stumbled across him eventually in some section that had a sweet section of the chain used to seal off the Golden Horn back in the day to sea traffic. Heavy shit. We headed out to get some water nearby at the cafe that was surrounded by old columns and statues. The Turks there didn’t seem to give a shit that they were surrounded by ancient art. I was careful not to piss my pants. I saw a poster in the gift shop that featured the Piri Reis map. I can get a good copy soon. I had a chat with Doc about the time machine, sirrah. Okay, I think that’s a signal for me to finish this post soon. We watched Back to the Future II last night, and I am starting to dream about it. Anyway, after the break, I went into the gift shop to see if that real map was on display somewhere in Istanbul, because I’d seen it before and was really into it, especially in relation to the Chinese. The guy told me he knew that Topkapi Museum has it, but that he didn’t know if it was on display. It wasn’t we found out. We admitted defeat, and headed to the tram. We got off at Eminönü because Michelle wanted to hit up Mehmet Efendi, the coffee house. Smelled great. Kent had to keep going home on the tram because he had to go to a soccer match that night.

As we walked past the Yeni Camii, I wondered out loud how many pigeons were sucked into and killed by the mini street sweeper trucks that prowled the plaza. They’re handy little buggies, these, and can turn on a dime. We got some stuff and then headed through the Egyptian Spice Market, where Michelle wanted to get some lokum (Turkish Delight) for our movie party that night. I saw something that caught my eye: comb honey. I asked if I could taste it, and oh my God, it was amazing. I asked how much, and it was 30 YTL per kilo, so I asked if he could give me 100g, which he said he couldn’t do. I negotiated with him for a bit and chatted, and got him to give me 11 YTL worth. He wrapped it up for me and his older coworker was asking about me, and then when he found out about my Turkish he got excited and asked me instead of the salesmen what I was doing here. He said that my Turkish was good enough to understand all I needed to to get my honey, so it was good enough. I left the shop last, and couldn’t see where Brad and Michelle went. One of the guys working the crowd outside saw me looking, and told me in Turkish where they went, and I soon saw them.

While we waited at the tramway for our train, I saw a little kid of probably 6 years across the tracks carrying what looked like a real submachine gun. I knew it was fake, but here in Turkey, there are no red tips, there’s only dead and alive, if you aim it at the cops. I managed to get a picture of him by having Michelle and Brad pose in front of him, sort of. It worked. We got on the bus after arriving in Kabataş and waiting in the shadow of the bus stop for 20 minutes before our bus arrived. Michelle said her knees hurt, so she gave me some money so Brad and I could bring her back some food when we got back. On the ride back, a Turkish girl was reading a really thick book, and when I saw it, I leaned over to Michelle and asked “do you think that’s ‘Atlas Shrugged?’” She was asleep sitting upright. It turned out to be the Foutainhead, also repulsive.

Brad and I waited at Dürüm Evi for our food and chatted up Fatih Bey. He asked me if I wanted something to drink because I was soaking wet from sweat. Then he said I was more handsome than he was. Hilarious. We took the food to the grocery, where I got some Cola Turka and bread. We had quite a tasty night in my apartment, watching the first 15 minutes of Marie Antoinette, which BLEW, and then Back to the Future Part II, which was amazing, of course. We also had to watch the opening of Wet Hot American Summer so we could listen to the songs that Michelle and I love. It was a blast. We had some lokum and all that jazz. I hit the hay late, and got ready for a big day Sunday, which I have to talk about tomorrow because I’m so tall. I realize now that I was sleeping when I wrote that last sentence, so I hope you appreciated it. Peace!